The following poem was written by my mother sometime after I was diagnosed with Leukemia (a blood cancer) at the age of four. It was a difficult time for all of us, for many reasons, but we made it through. Every day we thank God for all that he has blessed us with, because we have so much to be thankful for. We lost several friends we met along Cancer Road, and that has made us all the more grateful to have each other. We know people who have lost a child or loved one to the monster that is cancer, and my mother can partially guess at the pain they must have gone through, having experienced fear and uncertainty, which is expressed through this poem.
You told me you were afraid,
afraid of the dark,
afraid of the monsters under your bed,
so many monsters lurking in your head.
You asked me to check under the bed,
before you rested your little head,
and I did.
You said, "mommy please, check my closet."
I rolled my eyes and sighed,
but I did.
I told you there was no such thing as monsters,
that monsters were not real;
but I was mistaken.
Now, how do I tell you the monster is so much closer:
behind your eyes, behind your smile;
the monster lives inside you;
that it runs wild within your veins
and we cannot even see him?
I told you I would never let anything bad happen to you,
but I was mistaken;
right now I feel helpless.
You told me... at night, the dark makes you afraid.
I told you not to be afraid; I would be there to hold your hand.
Now,
of the night,
the dark,
I am afraid as well.